Why shouldn’t I let my eczema get me down and let it affect my confidence.
This week has been a particularly hard week for me with my eczema being extremely obvious, especially on my face. Usually I have eczema on my face especially around the eyes, where it is occasionally flaky and dry or red. Whereas this week I looked like a panda, applying moisturiser every 20 minutes or so without it making much difference.
The down side to having it this extreme around my eyes was the more moisturiser I applied to my eyes the more they wept causing the eczema at the edges of my eyes to become increasing aggravated and raw. Needless to say this week my confidence was surely knocked and motivation at an all time low. On Saturday I had to force myself to leave the house to get some fresh air and a wee bit of exercise. Whilst being very self-conscience of how I looked, despite multiple reassurances from the boyfriend that I looked fine, the cold air did some good whilst I was out. This weekend was cool and crisp here and the cold weather did something to cooling the red and angry skin around my eyes and taking some of the heat away from it.
As always going from extremes of temperatures can aggravate eczema, our flat is not especially warm which, helps from going from inside to outside and back again. Over the weekend I managed to force myself out on several small walk which helped both the eczema and my confidence.
The small boost in confidence was short lived as on Monday morning it was back to work. As I arrived at work with rosy cheeks from the cold and red raw eyes, my colleague, made a comment of ‘you make it look awfully cold out there, is it windy too?’. To what can I reply to this knowing that they have kindly pointed out my skin looks awful. At 6.00 on a Monday morning it’s just great to here. Throughout the rest of the day I thankfully didn’t encounter any more comments but working in retail and facing the public knowing how red and obvious your face is does not do wonders for morally. On a plus side, however, if they did stare it looked like they were making eye contact with me.
Through out the week my eyes calmed down and have slowly returned to ‘normal’ and my confidence has slowly returned with it. Although this week I was mainly focused on my face it didn’t mean that the rest of my body was not flaring up with eczema, it is just easier to hide under a long sleeved top and trousers.
This week I have thought about how something so trivial as having red raw skin around my eyes has had such an effect on my confidence after having lived with eczema all my life. The simple answer is that our perception of how we should look and how our skin should be has change drastically over the past few years. To become something that is almost on unreachable for many people these days. Especially those with eczema and sensitive skin. I cannot wear makeup without having a break out on my face no matter the brand or the types designed for sensitive skin. Makeup is not something I can use to obtain flawless skin or the perfect completion. Years of scaring cover my face, and body, as a constant reminder that I have a constant companion in my life.
Having got over the lack of confidence this week due to misconceived conception of how we should look. This week I have embraced who I am and how I look. I am going to try and hold on to this idea and philosophy the next time I have a breakout on my face regardless of where I am or what I’m doing.
Eczema is part of me and who I am. I shall embrace it for all it is worth, as I am worth it.